Pace is the place for art’s
celebrity arms race

Turning up today is Jay-Z and band
with plenty of fawning art stars in hand

like self absorbed kids
playing in sand

No matter your chops
nothing will stop

the gallery from showing you
the art world from blowing you

There is Franco the blank-o
entrenched in the stable
Isn’t it sad he’s not really able

But who cares he’s cute and well known
So in the gallery there’s always a home

Here’s a nod to worshipping false gods
Adultery, idolatry let’s go on a spending spree

Whose next I can only guess
Kanye, Kim, Mary-Kate and Ashley

We are the collective fantastic sycophantic
Transatlantic, pedantic full of shit and antic

But here is a warning that is needed to be heeded
Let us not forget, who remembers Famous Amos

You can’t have your cake and your cookies too
Can’t we rate artists that are good at what they do

 

This response to Jay-Z’s Picasso, Baby performance is brought to you by the art market’s resident satirist, Kenny Schachter.